4 Reasons Why He's Not Calling Back - And Why You Shouldn't Care


Once upon a time, you went on an amazing date, connected with this dude something fierce, maybe made out a little bit, said goodnight, and then went on about your evening. You both expressed how much fun you had. You both said you wanted to see each other again. He said he would call. And then he didn't. There was something there. You're not crazy. I know. How could he NOT be feeling exactly the same thing and want to do something about it??? Well, that's where that whole Men-Mars, Women-Venus thing starts to take hold. I've written about this before, but let me break it down for you a bit more, because you can file his reason under any of the below categories.

1) He lost is phone.

Ha. Kidding. He most certainly did not lose his phone, and even if he did, he'd figure out a way to Facebook poke you and let you know what's up.

The real 1) He chickened out.

Now that's more like it, amirite? Maybe you did something "wrong" (I use air quotes because, if you were yourself--not in-your-head, ugly-cry, chock-full-of-PMS-hormones self, but your confidant, cool, interesting and interested, funny self--this is just not possible. It's inherently impossible to do anything wrong if you're just being yourself. The right dude will fall over himself trying to be with that girl. Authenticity FTW.), as in he saw something that made him think this wouldn't work. This doesn't always come down to something you said or did. It could be more about the situation or timing. Guys are finicky and painfully simple--if there's not a direct line from point A (meeting you) to point B (long-term commitment with you that fits with their lifestyle), they're probably not gonna ante up the effort. But... he doesn't have the balls to be honest and tell you. So that happened. It's probably the most frustrating thing to us women, but since we're being honest here, you aren't always upfront either -- no one likes to crush dreams.

2) There's someone else.

Ugh. That sucks to hear because then we do the whole, "Why didn't he choose me?" thing. The good news is he didn't string you along. Plus, you have no idea why he decided to give her a shot over you. And who cares? Maybe she gives it up more easily, or they have a history and he never really got over her. Perhaps they're genuinely soul mates. In that case, mazels to them both. You wouldn't want to get in the way of true love, now would you?

3) He was all about the chase.

And this doesn't just mean he was chasing you to bone-town and then lost interest once he planted his flag in it. If you're taking my Pin-Up Pointers to heart and keeping all amorous activities G-rated before you know his commitment to you, then this isn't even a problem for you. But men chase for many reasons, and perhaps he just wanted to be able to say he went out with you, got you to like him, or stole your panties (I'm looking at you, 16 Candles).

4) He wanted to bang and you didn't let him.

Oh, THIS GUY isn't calling? Oh, how tragic [chokes on dry delivery]. This is an absolute win for you. See? There is something to be said for waiting. You weed out these types of guys. And the chances that you passed up on a mind-blowing one night stand of life-changing soul f*cking is slim to none.

Here's why you shouldn't care (and by care, I mean over-think, overanalyze, beat yourself up, cry, dive into a pint of Ben and Jerry's...)

Because: Whatever the reason, it a) probably wasn't really about you and b) it's 100% working out in your favor.

I mean, I know why you care. You thought you liked him, you wanted to believe in something, he was hot, you're dying to know what he's packing, your ego is bruised and you don't want to admit it and face the rejection, etc, etc. Trust me, I've been there. I've been ALL over that place. But this is less about you, and more that this situation is what it is. Maybe you learned more about yourself in this process. Maybe you didn't. But at the very least, you dodged a bullet of a relationship that was not in your best interest.

Keep one thing in mind: Rejection is redirection.

So be grateful. Really, all he did was save you the trouble of having to break up with him in 3 months anyway when you realize he just wasn't for you.