5 Reasons Why You Willingly Date The Wrong Guy
We have absolutely all been there with this one. Who HASN'T dated the wrong guy? The bad boy, the brooding hunk, the conflicted creative, the unfaithful rockstar, the bankrolling douchelord, or the lovable liar? Or, the wrong guy doesn't have to be all bad for you, he could simply just not be right for you. He could be a doll, a gem, the nicest guy ever, but if you can't look at him and think "EFF YEAH, I wanna do this," you're barking up the wrong pant leg. Yup, we've all dated guys we knew weren't good for us, ones who weren't our equals, ones with an infinite number of red flags, control issues and bad behavior. Ones who didn't fulfill our needs. Ones who mistreated us, abused us, failed to respect us, cheated on us, and continually, narcissistically chose them over us. Ones we didn't love even though we told them we did.
The thing is, we could have avoided this. Right?
Yes, sure, he was part of a lesson you needed to learn on your path of Finding Mr. Right. It wasn't necessarily a "mistake" in the grand spiritual, destiny-driven scheme of things. However—and this is especially true if you're on your umpTEENTH Mr. Wrong—he was another lesson you didn't really need to be reminded of.
Because you already understand what he was about. You—you're smart, you get things. Dating this kind of guy (again) feels all too familiar, and that's because you've already been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. But because things work the way they do, life's going to beat your over the head until you figure out that yes, you can find the RIGHT guy for you and B) you'll only do so when you pay attention to what you really, truly, actually want and are willing to do whatever it takes to get that—aka, stop accepting and dating whatever's behind Door Number 3.
Here, the 5 reasons why you willing date the wrong guy.
1. You didn't listen to your intuition.
Your intuition is the small voice in the back of your head that goes, "NOPE" and tells you to scuttle away as soon as he drops the all-too-familiar phrase, "I'm just not looking for anything serious right now, but I like spending time with you (read: I wanna get my dick wet)."
2. Your friend talks you into it.
Your girl (a friend, someone you trust) is yapping in your ear and she's got in your head. She tells you to stop being picky, or that you're just jaded from your last relationship, or that he would be good for you, or that you need to "get out there" if you're going to find someone. She's not privy to the intuitive messages you get about this impending disaster of a date or relationship.
I know, this happened to me. There was this guy. It wasn't an issue of what was his red flags were, simply a matter of if I could keep count.
But my homegurl who knew him was allllllll about it, in my ear about "Omg, I've wanted this for foreverrrr. I promise he's a really good guy. Just do me a favor and please give him a chance." With a drug-happy, self-important megalomanic riddled with insecurity and Napoleon complex. With a guy I knew I no business even entertaining. But ignored my feelings on this, made a bad decision from a weak place, and gave my friend the benefit of the doubt...
...was I thinking?
(PS - This was forever ago. I'm still hating myself for not saying, "HELL to the no, sir." I'm better, smarter, more seasoned, well-adjusted, healthier, prettier, swifter, savvier than that.)
3. You don't want to be alone.
Sigh. You'll only move past this once the misery of being with the wrong person outweighs the misery of being alone. Hopefully that day comes sooner than later.
4. You accidentally let a hook-up bleed into a more real-ish thing.
It's convenient, so why not, right? Wrong. You're not serious about him, you know you and he both deserve more. Do HIM the favor and let him go find someone who truly cares about him. Plus, sex with someone you really, actually have feelings for can be so.much.better.
5. You settled.
Mr. Right Now is no substitute. Yes, he all 10 fingers and 10 toes. Sure, you've been with him for 5 years and you live together and you'd just rather not rock the boat right now, because it's comfortable. That's taking the easy way out. Love—real, hot, live-for love—takes working on you, getting to where you're your best, happiest, most-fulfilled you, and then finding your equal for HER. Anything less than that... Pfffffttt. Intuition says, NOPE (see 1.).