5 Ways You Can Tell He's Emotionally Unavailable
Emotional unavailability can happen to anyone. Anyone, at any age. Got your eye on a certain someone? The trick is to observe this man's life stage. What's a life stage, you ask? Well, it's a way to determine where his head's at in terms of relationships. What does he value? What's important to him at this point in his life? What does he spend most of his time doing? Who are the types of people he's hanging out with? What example is he setting by his actions? A guy who says he's ready for a relationship but dates incessantly, never seems to have a meaningful relationship, and is all about the fast life is looking more for the feel-good girlfriend experience, and not one who is ready, willing, and able to give unconditionally in a relationship without expecting anything in return (hint: THAT'S the type of man you're looking for, in case you were fuzzy on those details). This is not someone who wants to let someone else into his life on a real, meaningful level. Read: This is not someone for you.
Here are 5 ways you can tell he's emotionally unavailable and not ready for the relationship you want:
1) He balks at the idea of talking about a future with you or in general.
Look, no one's saying you should be suggesting baby names on your first date, but if you've been dating for a while and things don't seem to be moving one way or the other, it's time to get clear on both of your objectives. If he goes running for the door, or makes you feel crazy for even bringing it up, or tries to avoid the subject by talking about, "Why can't you just enjoy taking it easy and just being how we are now?", it's time to go. To avoid even getting dragged in this far, keep an ear out for phrases on the first few dates that sound like, "I don't really believe in relationships," "I don't really have a plan for my life," and "I don't really like to think about my future." You, on the other hand, are looking forward to sharing your future with someone. Period. Ain't no shame in that.
2) He dates around. A LOT.
This dude's got a new woman on his arm every three months, if that. And not even in a, "I'm banging them all simultaneously" way (although that's entirely possible). But more in a, "I'm going to entertain this one for the time being because I don't want to be alone [RED FLAG] but I'm not really ready to commit to finding a worthy partner with whom I'd have to be truly open," which means...
3) He's not really looking for anything right now. Or doesn't know what he wants.
Girl, you have enough important decisions to be making in your day-to-day. You don't need to be trying to make up this man's mind for him, too. You know what you want; he doesn't. That is not a match. We move along.
4) He only dates long distance.
This is a classic case. This guy's emotional unavailability translates into geographic unavailability. Keeping you a plane flight away is his way of keeping his emotional distance. It's not even about him dating other people while you're in your hometown and he's off in his. He could very well be exclusively in a relationship with you. Just check to see if he has a history of ONLY dating outside his zip code. If so, that is a ride you do not want to be on. The long distance will make it very easy for him to coast through month after month of the relationship without advancing it at all, and if he can't talk about how the two of you end up in the same city to actually give it a real shot, welp, time to activate the emergency exit.
5) He tells you.
This is a very rare occurrence, but every once in a great while, a guy will grow a set and be straight with you. When this happens, it is your job to 1) Not pass out from the shock of a dude's honesty smacking you in the face and 2) Listen. And then walk away if that's not what you want to be involved with, and if you have zero interest in being led on.