A Lesson Learned From... The Bachelorette?


Welp. That was stressful, wasn't it?

I don't usually get on these reality TV show bandwagon-y posts. I have my own thoughts about this whole Bachelor/Bachelorette series and how it's exploitative and unrealistic and blah blah. But no one wants to hear that on a Tuesday.

Instead, let's talk about the insanity that happened last night. Let's talk about how women all over America were resonating out of their yoga pants between the hours of 8pm and 10, wine in hand, entire viewing parties FLOORED. Because that sh*t right there? Was REAL.

Neil Lane ring shopping aside, what Des went through has happened (or will happen, if you haven't been so lucky yet) to 99.9% of women. Falling in love (or feeling like you've fallen) with the wrong dude, only to be devastated when he doesn't love you back. #funtimes

But hold up. Can we all stop focusing on Brooks as the "one that didn't want Des" and look instead at the idea that Des maybe, possibly, most likely shouldn't have wanted/been with him in the first place? That Brooks was just another bad choice in a line of unsuitable suitors that Des keeps habitually choosing to keep herself from finding love? Clue: If it smells like self-sabotage, it probably is.

Things happen for a reason--rejection is redirection and protection. Her ship was righted and it docked right smack on the lips of Chris. Well, HELLO SAILOR.


Credit: hollywoodlife.com

[gratuitous body shot that makes Des' decision look pretty darn good right now]

Many people are saying Des settled for Chris, that she made a poor decision in the immediate wake of soul-obliterating heartbreak. I'd like to give her a little bit more credit than that.

I'd like to believe that Des broke her pattern. In that moment, Des chose something different. Des decided not to succumb to the same types of choices that have kept her in her loveless pattern, her pattern of "always being the one who loved more." When the wrong guy was removed from the picture (something she couldn't do herself), the better option revealed itself and it was time for Des to accept the challenge. If Brooks really was #1 for Des, homeboy and his 11 o'clock shadow would have worked out.

The reason why we're quick to play the settling card is because this all happened in days. Usually it takes people months, years, decades to break bad dating behavior. We're continually presented with opportunities to reset our course, but we don't always take advantage. Well, Des didn't have the luxury of wasting more time. So she decided to try something new. Kudos, Des.

That's not saying this will stick. I have no idea if this will stick. But that's not the point. Des could freak out and fall back into choosing the wrong guys and leave. Chris' ego could become so bruised after ruminating about how it all went down that his pride gets the better of him and he walks. Whatevah. Hell, Chris might not even be Des' end all in this game, he could have just served as a way for Des to get away from Brooks and develop a healthier dating pattern. Like I said, lots of options here. The brilliance of it all, however, is not the outcome (it never is). It's the process. So if anything, I think we have some notes to take. Well played, Bachelorette. Well played, indeed.