Does the Three-Day Calling Rule Still Apply?

Boy meets girl. Girl and boy hit it off at impeccably themed party. Boy stays up way past anyone’s bedtime discussing all things under the sun with girl (read: doing non-sexual things with girl, minus some heavy petting (which, by the way, can we bring this term back, please?)). Girl leaves the next morning. Boy tells girl he’ll call. And then it begins… The Wait.

Oh, we’ve all been there, I don’t care if you’re Gisele (yes, THAT Gisele) or Gertrude. That excruciating drag where every degree of every moment is an eternity, passing as painfully slowly as a kidney stone.

But it’s 2012, you say. You know, that whole gender gap closing thing, more women in colleges than men, stay-at-home dads and whatnot. Equality, yay. The rules are different now. Why can’t we just call him? That three-day rule thingy doesn’t really still apply, does it?

[Crickets…2…3…4…]

Oh, boy.

Ok, short answer: Sure, you can call him. But why would you WANT to?

Long answer (the fun one!): Once, I went to see a guy about a thing. Whatever we thought might be there wasn’t, and it went south. Fast. Sparing you all the (revealing/mortifying) details, this was his doing. He decided early on not to engage with me—no matter what he felt about me—because of one tiny detail he was certain would impede a relationship between us. I’m talking insignificant, and he went all [hands in the air]: “WELP. Guess THIS will never work!! I’m just never speaking to you ever. That oughta work out well for everyone.”

Despite my advances and multiple “putting myself out there” attempts (which, for the record, I just don’t do. Ever. But thought I would try it on for size so I could have the street cred. So pay attention when I tell you I TRIED. Gave him 50 shades of green lights. There were signals EVERYWHERE. I mean, juuuuust smacking him in the face with all systems go.), it unfolded as such because it was his choice. In his mind, since he had decided that the relationship wouldn’t work, there was no point in planning the second date. End of story. Fin.

The may-jah takeaway here is, if a guy wants to talk/call/see you again, he will. All those minor details won’t matter. It’s so very, very frighteningly simple.

But can we talk about something for a minute? If he doesn’t feel strongly enough to call and set up a second date, why would you even WANT to try and convince him to? If he’s willing to let something stand in the way of you two, why are you trying to get in the middle of his mess? Who wants to be with someone who’s not going to try for you? Psffftt, I’ve got other stuff on my to-do list today, a-thanks. The absolute last thing you want to do is subtly force a guy into something he’s not really ready for or interested in.

If he’s too dense to figure out you’re the best thing to never happen to him? Fine. Then the timing is off. Maybe he’s got other options right now that he needs to flesh out before he tries to tackle all the life-changing wonderment that you are. I’m not discrediting what you felt—I trust that by now you know (intuitively) when a dude is really into you and whether you had a mind-blowing time. But there are circumstances beyond your control that may affect the outcome. Or maybe he’s just scared.

Whatever the reason he has for not calling, TRUST ME, it’s working out in your favor. With my example, it showed me that this wasn’t the right guy for me. He couldn’t communicate what was going on, and instead made unilateral decisions for both of us. Strike.

So let it ride. It will hit when it hits. You’re too busy being awesome anyway.

RelationshipsJulia1 Comment