Don't Fight (or Fake) the Feeling


Let's flip the script for a minute, shall we? One instance in which you should never, ever, under ANY circumstances fake it is... An orgasm. Ha! Kidding (well, not really, but I can address that later if you'd like). No, real talk though: You can’t fake your intuition. You know, your red-flag-radar, your bullshit-ometer, your He’s-The-One-I-Just-Know-It indicator. That saintly sister inside tells you like it is, like it should be and sometimes (most often?) what you don't want to hear. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to stay true to what she (and thus YOU) know is the truth. If you ignore it, well... Hell hath no fury like an intuition scorned. Fake the feeling and you'll be stepping off into seven different directions of wrong, which is really just a waste of time. And I don’t know about you, but I’M not getting any younger.

Below is a totally-not-embarrassing-at-all list of times I’ve ignored my inkling and gotten involved against my better judgment. Let’s see how it all turned out for me (spoiler alert: I'm still single). I’m going to shut my eyes now and cringe while you all delve into my private life. See ya at the bottom!

1. Spotted: Supremely tall, exponentially hot athletic build stalking the VIP section of the clerb on a bumping Saturday night. Me, to myself (or very possibly in a loud shout due to the bass blaring beats and champagne a-flowing): "Dayum, that boy is FOINE!" (Because what do we have if we can’t pretend we’re in an ‘80s sitcom once in a while?) But he was in a line of work that would never (ever, evah) be conducive to a real, adult, settled, committed relationship. Next thought, as I climbed up those VIP stairs after him: Well, EFF. I don't need to tell you that it ended two weeks later with long-lasting residual emotional effects (because your intuition already let you in on the secret. Boom.).

2. Not quite as tall, still-stacked, athletic-seeming stature (apparently, I have a type). Found out a week after meeting that our belief systems were way off kilter. Shoulda had some delightfully sinful sex and said GOOD DAY, SIR, right then and there. Instead dragged out a "friendship" (pssssh, who are YOU kidding?) and allowed myself to be jerked around (under the guise of "figuring things out," of course) for the next 10 months of my short, sweet life. (Disclaimer: If you saw the ass on this guy, you would’ve done the saaaaame thing.)

3. Skater boy bartender (now, if you knew me, you’d know we could end this story right there. For my friends-to-be, I'll continue) and I weren't on the same life timeline. Knew it couldn't amount to much more than just fun/comic relief in my otherwise trying time (timing is everything). Ignored the timing and did my time in that relationship for more than twice what it shoulda cost me. The on-again, off-again shenanigans got to the point that I had to stop talking about it to my friends, and they stopped asking.

4. Dude ordered a pinot grigio. Shoulda passed him off to my gay bff and peaced.

Well, that was embarrassing. But I hope my willing ignorance has made a point. The point is, I knew the outcome of every one of those situations the moment I met/spoke to/saw each guy but chose to ignore what my gut was telling me (“Girl, you ain’t got to go home, but you got to get the HELL OUTTA HERE.” (My intuition is sassy.)). We all do this, for one reason or another. Maybe you think you’ll learn better, more positive qualities about him in the future. Maybe you don’t believe your suspicions because he just couldn’t be THAT ridiculous (ohhhh, but he can, my dear, he can). Maybe you just don’t want to be alone.

Whatever your reason, I promise it’s not worth it. Not only will you most likely end up hurt, but you’ll put time into something that’s keeping you from who or what you really should be doing with your life (meeting the love of your life, being a good friend, building your empire, solving the healthcare crisis, etc.). It’s an opportunity cost you can’t afford.

And just FYI, your sixth sense is always working overtime. She doesn’t quit after you ignore her the first time, that persistent perception of yours. It’s entirely possible that nothing was triggered upon meeting your future lovah, but seven months later, he’s started to show his spots (I call it the 7th Inning Stretch). Your ingenious insight will tap you on the shoulder to say, “Hey, you guys are a great couple, but you might want to deal with this now, so it doesn’t become a larger issue later. #jussayin.” (Yes, intuitions are hip to the Twitter lingo. And?)

You come with a built-in fight-or-flight response mechanism, and it is a glorious tool, especially in the wacky world of dating. Like any other muscle, it needs to be trained and stretched (I know you’re working on your Kegels right now, so it’s clear you have the time).

Now, there’s something to be learned from every individual that comes into your life, but listening to your gifted guide gets you through Love Him or Leave Him 101 a lot quicker (and with glowing grades!) than pooh-poohing your inner prophet and prolonging the inevitable. Girl, I'm just looking out.