I-N-T-E-R-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, Do You Know What That Means?


Ladiesth, codependency? Is not cool.

Not only is it not cool, it's simply counterproductive. Let's assume you want a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship filled with love, support and passionate, mind-blowing sex (ok, ok, I may have taken some liberties on that last one, but you know what I mean).

Being codependent is inherently unhealthy, so that negates your relationship goal right there. According to dictionary.com, codependent: of or pertaining to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way. Blech. I just got creeped out even copying and pasting that.

On the flip, championing nazi-esque independence (whether single or booed up) isn't all that helpful either. My spidey sense is telling me it's probably just a defense mechanism for you anyway, if we're being really honest (and when am I not?). I don't think you necessarily enjoy keeping all those walls up, that you've constructed this behavior as a safeguard against appearing or feeling weak, susceptible, or vulnerable. Plus, if you get too one-sidedly self-sufficient, there's no room for that handsome gentleman to fit into your life.

So instead we strive for interdependence.

What's the difference? Well, I'm so glad you asked.

Let's turn to Steven Covey's wildly successful publication, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, for a breakdown:

“Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.” (More here from Brian Johnson.)

It's about working to-geh-tha. A mutual exchange. Two independent people coming together to create something bigger, better, and, on a good day, mind-blowing, ahem.

And you can't do that if all of your self-worth and reason for existing stems from another person. Hell, you can't even get in the true-love door with a codependent-colored wristband on. Because, as one of my best dude friends (who just so happens to be dealing with this in his own relationship right now) explains: “Codependency in general may be one of the single most unattractive traits a person can exhibit.”

A-men, sir.