Love: It’s a High-Risk, High-Reward Situation
So, I have this friend. She's found herself in an interesting courtship conundrum. And, I can only assume that if she’s struggling with this issue, so are many of you. You see, she’s stuck in a pattern.
She keeps dating dudes that she likes enough, but by months 4-7 (although sometimes the relationships can drag on way past this point), she’s all, “Meh.” Then she wonders why she can’t find love, and why she hasn’t found The One yet.
She hasn’t found love because she’s stuck in a fear-based behavior.
She’s dating options who don’t pose a threat to her emotional security. She knows, right off the bat, that said sirs aren’t men she really wants to be involved with. But she’ll tell herself, “Well I shouldn’t judge him so quickly, maybe there are some wonderful qualities about him that I’ll get to know about him later. He’s a good guy—I shouldn’t write him off just because of that one little thing.”
But they’re safe bets. She knows these men couldn’t really hurt her, because she knows she would never get close enough to allow them to. Never fully give herself up, be vulnerable or fall 100%, terrifyingly and wholly in love with them.
For anyone who’s ever been heartbroken (you and the other 1,398,274+), it can seem impossible to subject yourself to the potential for another heartbreak. And that’s what would happen if you actually dated someone you could fall in love with, right?
You’d have to be emotionally vulnerable. You’d have to relinquish control, let go and allow someone else to support you. You’d have to give all of you without expecting anything back. You’d have to go outside of your comfort zone. You’d have to feel worthy of love.
I know, YEESH.
That’s a lot of risk.
You get into a relationship like that and old hurts will be triggered. And pain will surface. And you might freak out a little bit. Sure, nobody wants that. But it will surface so that you can let it go, once and for all, and heal and move on to all the joys of giving and receiving love. Of openness and honesty and intimacy. Of being totally trusting that that other person has got your back. Of knowing that someone trusts you to do the same.
And that’s a lot of reward.
Granted, each person that comes into your life is there to point something out to you. Perhaps there’s a mindset you have to shift, a limiting belief that you have to banish or some self-doubt that needs to be dissolved. But one of those reasons could be to highlight some self-defeating patterns. The more you ignore these, the more they will pop up and the more uncomfortable they will become.
It takes an incredibly courageous and strong person to decide to step out of the pattern. But it’s also one of the most important decisions you will ever make. You’re more than capable. Get to steppin’, sister.