Dating Dilemma: Introducing Him To Your Friends


A question came from a newly single sweetheart who wanted to know: How soon is too soon for a girl to invite the guy she is dating to meet her friends? Aww, I’m glad you’ve met someone whom you’re even considering introducing to your friends. That’s exciting. So let me just jump right in.

Meeting the friends is kind of a big deal.

It says, “Hey, I like you. That’s right, I’m into this. And I’m so into this that now I want to see if my friends will be into it too. Not in a weird way. More of a, will they accept you as an appropriate fit for me, way. No pressure.”

Meeting the friend group is like the prequel to meeting the family. Friends are, after all, the family you’ve chosen. So, that this goes well is super important. If not? Well, we may be looking at, gasp, a dealbreaker.

Me personally? I don’t like throwing out the friend card until I’m sure about a guy. Sure that I like him, sure that we’re on the same page, that he gets my humor, is into me, sure that he’s special, all that fun stuff. Because if he’s down with JFC, then he’s most likely going to be down with JFC’s posse. And if he’s not, that won’t sway his decision about our relationship because our foundation would have been based on what we have, not what my friends do or do not bring to the table. You feel me?

If you throw him to the wolves too soon and he doesn’t jive with your homies, you may be guilty by association. But real talk: a guy should like you for you, and not judge you for, well, anything really. Much less for the company you keep.

You want a hard deadline of when you can ask him to meet your friends? Ponder the following:

Do you guys get along well?

Do you think he would also get along with your friends and vice versa? I would hope the answer to at least the first is a resounding ¡SI!, otherwise, whatcha doing with him, sista?

Are you guys serious about one another?

Introducing the comrade conglomerate before both of you are seriously on the same page about being serious-ish with one another could ignite a premature discussion of where this is going, and if you both aren’t headed in the right direction, a possible panic.

Have you met his?

I have no additional comments on this one. It’s plain and simple. Lets you know where his head’s at.

Do you really want to know what your friends think about him?

I mean, really, really. Because once you open the floodgates and they get to experience him for themselves? Girl, be prepared for the opinions. The good, the bad and the overanalyzed.

If you answered no to any of the above, give it a few, why dontcha?

Sure, you could tell me you don’t think meeting the friends is a big deal, that it’s tooootally casual. But then 1) You’re just not that into him, hence it doesn’t matter if he meets the friends; and/or 2) You wouldn’t have gotten this far in the post, now would you?

While we’re on the subject, can we talk about friending and following on social media for a min?

No friending or following or commenting or liking or tweeting or twatting until you’re in a relationship. DTR'd, full-blown, for-real relationship. End of story. It just saves everyone time and the headache of meaningless-but-it-feels-so-REAL social media dramz. Trust.