Nobody Just Breaks Up With You “Out Of The Blue”
I hear this a lot: “He just dumped me out of the blue!” And then I cringe. Because 1) This is quite possibly one of the most painful breakups out there; and 2) One of the culprits here is She Who Doth Not Listen To Her Intuition. Or to her man, for that matter.
Because, my dears, nobody breaks up with you out of the blue. Just drops you cold turkey. Boom. Dunzo. It’s been real, it’s been fun. Thanks for playing. SEE-YUH.
No, it doesn’t happen like that.
There were warning signs.
That time he told you he wasn’t really ready for a relationship? That was a sign.
When he continually complained about his friends getting more serious with their partners? That was a sign.
When he never committed to plans or to you? That was a sign.
When he told you he hadn’t gotten over his ex yet? That was a sign.
When he’s pushing 40 and he’s never been in a serious relationship? That was a sign.
When he started distancing himself? Say it with me, now: That was a sign.
When he didn’t say I love you back…? Yeah…
But the signs were ignored. Or maybe you didn't know how to receive them. And now this breakup is shocking you to the core.
Contrary to popular belief, guys ARE very straightforward. There ARE no mixed messages. The fellas will, actually, tell you exactly what you need to know. But are you listening?
What signs did you miss? If you were to go back and replay the relationship, you just might figure out where you overlooked and ignored what he was trying to tell you. This might sound painful, but it’s actually quite beautiful, because what you’ll realize, lovely, is that it really wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do over time. What a relief, no?
I don’t know what his reasoning was, but it was there from the start (or close to it), which means it was there before you appeared in his life and before he really got to know you. So, really, on some level, it wasn’t you, it was him.
(You don’t even really need to go through this exercise if you don’t want. As the gals over at The Frisky concur, “abrupt endings […] usually have more to do with a guy’s emotional unavailability or fear of commitment.” So there’s your answer, either way. It's just, if you're into the whole empowering "I need answers so I don't make the same mistake twice," self-awareness, self-improvement thing, I suggest taking a trip down Miscommunication Memory Lane.)
Feels a little better, yes? It helps with the letting go process, which is exactly what you need right now.
And next time, when a man speaks, really hear what he is truly saying, not just what you want to hear. It will save you a ton of potential heartbreak and confusion. In the meantime, check out that Frisky article - it boasts an excellent list of how to sanely get past this breakup.