Release Him (And Be Released Yourself)


Not to be morbid, but one of my favorite relationship/dating topics to discuss is break ups. Hey now, I’m not wishing them on anybody. However, this topic does get me jazzed up. Let me explain why.

Each person who enters into your life carries with him or her tons of positive potential and opportunity for you to get to know yourself better. Relationships trigger feelings, both of the good and not-so-good variety. Sometimes they hit you on a more seemingly superficial level. They can show you that you’re lovable, boost your self-esteem or even motivate you to pursue your dreams. And sometimes they can show you what you need to work on, blasting open old wounds so all that emotional scar tissue can be scraped away to make room for some real self-acceptance progress.

All of these are very teachable moments which, if handled correctly, can lead to hope, happiness and healing. So, when someone is having a rough go at getting over an SO (sidebar: Has anyone else noticed that the acronym for “significant other” is dangerously close to that for “son of a b*itch”?), I start to salivate because that usually means some life-altering, world-rocking, mind-blowing self-awareness is about to happen. And as a self-awareness advisor, a man-handling mentor, a self-confidence quarterback (Best. Job. Ever?), I get lady boners for that stuff.

Speaking of hard… It’s not easy to release a relationship whose job it was to reflect back to you some serious self-esteem areas of concern. If left unaddressed, those kinds of relationships leave an emotional residue that even Goo Be Gone couldn’t tackle. Chances are you’re still emotionally attached. And I don’t mean in the warm fuzzy way.

“But I’m over him,” you promise. “I don’t love him anymore,” you claim. “My feelings for him are gone.” Oh, they are, are they?

When his Facebook posts pop up on your feed and he looks like he’s having the time of this life/commenting on all your friends’ statuses/is in a new relationship, do you explode into blind fits of rage?

Does the thought of blocking him on Gchat make you want to end your life?

Do you still plan outings with him because you have too many mutual friends to avoid him, and then spend your whole time out tiptoeing around his opinion? Or, conversely, does actively avoiding him at mutual friends’ functions impede your ability to enjoy yourself and your friends?

If/when he reaches out to you, do you spontaneously combust?

Is even saying his name a BFD?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, well, ding, ding. We have EMOTIONS. A big ol’ glass case of ‘em. Yup, THIS:

Acknowledging that your ex still riles you up is absolutely the most essential first step in releasing him. By admitting this to yourself, you’re admitting that the relationship was (and still is) a source of anger, pain, hurt, rejection, sadness, love lost, what have you. Once that’s in the open, then—and this is the best part—you can start to explore WHY exactly he made you feel sad, angry, hopeless, etc. Guarantee you will learn something new about yourself or at least see old knowledge from a new perspective, which will allow you to kick-start the healing process.

This is the deep, heavy, sometimes-scary stuff. But it is SO where the party’s at. And by party, I mean inner peace. (It’s the most epic party you’ll ever attend and it’s tooootally worth the cover charge.)

So, forgive and let go. Acknowledge and release. Acknowledge and release. Lather, rinse, repeat until you don’t feel the need to hurl your computer at the wall every time he “Likes” something.



RelationshipsJulia3 Comments