So. He Didn’t Call. (Cue the “What’s Wrong with Me?” Freak Out)


Last week, we tackled the three-day, wait-for-the-call rule. We determined that if he’s not calling, you shouldn’t be worrying your amazing self about it. Why? Because if, for whatever reason, he’s not reaching out after your chock-full-o-chemistry date (he can’t find it in himself to prioritize you, he’s got his own full plate of issues to chow down on, his other girlfriend is being EXTRA needy right now, etc.), you don’t need to be convincing him otherwise. He’s letting you know he’s not available to you. Recap 'capped. Ok, so you’ve resigned to not believe the hype of post-post-modern dating and you won’t call him. You promise. (No Facebook stalking either, while we’re at it). Kudos. Good for you.

But you still feel like sh*t.

Because all you can dwell on is, What’s wrong with me? Nothing, doll. Nothing. Not. A. Thing.

But let’s talk this one out. I’m not going to sit here and say he’s just not that into you, because I’m just not into that.

Now, one of two things happened on that Oscar-worthy date you experienced:

1) It was amazing. Hands down. Unicorns dancing on rainbows made of actual gold amazing. There was no way he wasn’t going to contact you.

or 2) It wasn’t as mind-blowing as you remember. Maybe while your mind was being blown, your memory got obliterated in the process.

If you’re of the numero uno camp:

Not every date/relationship/flirtation, no matter how swoon-tastic, is supposed to “work out.” And I use the term “work out” loosely. We tend to define a successful relationship/date/opening line as one that leads to love. As in, long-term, fairy-tale, one that lasts until the end of time. Right?

Well, what if we redefined success and “working out.” What if maybe, just maybe, a successful date/hook up/wink across the bar was one that resulted in a lesson learned; just plain fun because you’ve lost sight of a work-life balance; an enlightening conversation; a reminder; or well, love (wait, what? But I thought you just said…?). Stay with me… A date that shows you what you really want in a partner even though he’s not the one, a moment that brought your attention back to self-love, a flirtation that motivated you to affect change in your life. Sounds like love to me. And it’s powerful and poignant and serving its purpose (if you pay attention). So try not to get bogged down in the details.

Now, if your case is starting to reveal itself to be more like that second situation, then it’s time to turn to our old friend, Intuition. You probably could pinpoint when, if the date was going well, the mood of the evening started to shift.

Things got weird, the conversation halted. He made an off-putting comment in response to a joke you made. Maybe, when he shared that he hailed from the Mediterranean coast, all you could blurt out was “I LOVE HUMMUS.” You know, whatever.

In the end, I bet you still learned from that experience though (yeah, stop after TWO drinks…). One thing’s for sure, he’s just not the one for you. And that’s so ok.

RelationshipsJulia4 Comments