Sometimes You Have To Have Sex To Know He's Not The One


As you know, I'm all about living by your intuition, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating. Your intuition tells you everything you need to know about the viability of a potential mate within the first moments of your first date. But we like to ignore those intuitive pings, especially if they're telling us things we don't want to hear, like "There's a reason he's this old and never been married," "Don't confuse his control issues for chivalry," or "Honey child, this one's as gay as the day is long."

So when we ignore these very helpful hints and continue to date these dudes, sometimes we need another nudge.

And sometimes that nudge comes during sex (see what I did there?).

I have this happen to me a few times. Let's review.


Case Study 1 

He was the kind of stuff Instagram filters are made of; he made everything seem better. But I knew we weren't in the same life stage, despite his attempts to convince me otherwise.

I was afraid of the pull he had on me, and I didn't want to complicate that even further by sleeping with him.

But it kinda accidentally happened. Hey, I was in a weird, weak place in life, and not making the best decisions here. I'll own that. I was ashamed and hard on myself for letting it happen.

And on top of that, well, it wasn't great. The sex just wasn't great. And considering the connection we had, this was a shocker to me. It was a solid disappointment.

But the lesson was there and I needed that slip-up to drive the point home. Because I knew I could not spend the rest of my life having sex like that.

Really, it was just a confirmation of what I already knew to be true: he was not it. Needless to say, things disintegrated from there.



Case Study 2

He had a decades-long history of a single life and long distance relationships (a HUGE indicator of someone who's emotionally unavailable, btw). I knew of this. I just didn't get how affected he was.

I also knew from the moment he reached out that he would lock me in as a girlfriend. With that in mind, sex early on in the courtship wasn't a big deal (as I've explained before, a guy is going to like you if he's going to like you. When you choose to have sex with him, for the most part, won't really affect that).

It happened. And then I got it.

The intuitive poke I gleaned from our very first sexcapade, was a super solid and weird understanding of just how unavailable he was. Emotionally, I mean. It just wasn't intimate in any way.

Eight months later, nothing on that front had changed, I was still having the worst sex of my life, and I felt like I was the only one in the relationship trying to work on it for him, because he wouldn't and didn't even know how. So that ended, obvs.


Some say sex isn't everything. I'll give 'em that. But, to me it's an important part of a relationship. So there was no way in sweet hell my One and I was not going to have off-the-charts coital chemistry.

And in these instances above, my beautiful intuition gave me the head's up of what was in the pipeline. And after laying that pipe, I knew, in my vagina of vagina's, that he was not for me.