Stop Dating the Same Lame Dude Over and Over
I used to have a problem. I was surrounded by people in my life who didn’t listen to me. Despite my knowledge, feelings, Stanford education on the topic of communication (hello, people!), or the fact that I was HIRED to share my ideas, friends, parents, bosses… they didn’t listen. BEYOND frustrating for someone who loves to communicate and be communicated to. Personal. Hell. Defined. Being the everything-happens-for-a-reason believer that I am, I racked my brain trying to figure this predicament out. Was this karmic retribution? If so, who had I not listened to in the past? Why did this keep happening to me? Why did I keep finding myself in the same situation throughout different aspects of my life?
But all I kept coming back to was that the common denominator in all of this was… me. Well, that’s not as fun, now is it? Oh, but it is! Because what I was able to really hone in on was where, in this overanalyzing head of mine, the perplexing pattern originated.
Once I determined what started this whole thing (I’ll spare you the droning deets), I did what any self-respecting self-improvement-lover would. I let it go.
Cut to a year later. I have a full roster of clients who all turn to me for consulting and professional (and personal) advice, not to mention a slew of friends who trust that if they come to me they’re going to get a hefty dose of helpful wisdom and love. Even my mother lends an ear (*gasp*).
So what happened? By releasing the cause, I cleared out my negative patterned thinking (i.e., no one listens to me ever, waaaaaah), which in turn cleared out the negative patterns that were being reflected back to me. And this allowed healthier, more authentic, soul-fulfilling relationships to enter my life.
If you keep finding yourself dating the same d-bag, fruitless nice guy, boring chap, or lying sonofabitch, ask yourself: Who was the first person who made you feel the same way these guys do? What was the first situation or life experience that led to these feelings? What are you buffering yourself against by dating these guys? That is, what are you really afraid of feeling if you actually were to meet the as-perfect-as-possible guy?
Yeah, that’s right. I’m asking you to dig deep.
And when you find your trigger, well, it’s a little bit facing your fear and a lotta forgiveness—of your past, of those who have hurt you, and of yourself. Have some compassion for your journey, for your personal experience. Treat yourself with as much empathy as you would a beloved friend. Letting it go will shift your thinking and make way for what you really want (a sweet, sensitive hottie with an ass that just won’t quit, amirite?).