Ten Dating Do’s and Don’ts for 2013
Well. I dunno about you, but 2012 has been… interesting. This happened:
And rounding out that list of greatest moments of 2012 is when I started this blog. You’re WELCOME. All in all, we had some moments, shared some laughs and we pulled through. Proud of ya. You may not have found the Love of Your Life (you did? MAZEL!) or fully let go of the One That Got Away (but you’ve started the process and I cannot commend you enough for that), but what I do know is that 2012 was one big, giant, great learning experience. You may have made some mating missteps, had oonnneeee too many cocktails and/or hit on a stripper (You guys. We had a real connection. Serious.). In the end, I do hope that you fell even more in love with yourself. Because 2013 is going to rock your world, and all the mind-changing, self-loving, self-improvement hard work you’ve put in? Well, you’re going to need it. Strap in, kiddos. Sh*t’s about to get fun. To help you best navigate the entire upcoming year of bad dates, happy endings and best first kisses ever, I’ve compiled a list of dating do’s and don’ts. You’re double welcome.
Fall victim to the misleading memo of modern dating. – Men are still men, women are still women. Although we’re all trying to figure out what that looks like these days, don’t get it twisted: some “rules” still apply. The behavioral pattern you set from the beginning affects how the rest of the relationship unfolds. Make sure you’re sending the message you want to be.
Backslide. – Into old relationships, old behavioral patterns, old and outworn thoughts. We are moving forward, forgiving what’s been done in the past, and looking ahead. Bigger and better things, my dears. Bigger and better.
Get sucked into the social media mayhem. – A “Like” does not an engagement proposal make. Retweeting doesn’t mean he wants to be your boyfriend. And sharing something with you on Spotify is not an appropriate substitution for a phone call. Men and women don’t approach communication the same way, so let’s not put meaning into social media interactions where there is none.
Settle. – For last-minute date invites, for text-only communication, for just-enough nuggets of attention from emotionally unavailable men, for the bare minimum. Duh, you’re worth exponentially more than that.
Let fear run your dating decisions. – The ego is one nasty little SOB who likes to hold you hostage in the comforts of complacency. Whatever you really want to go after, your ego is terrified that it won’t work out. This fear of failure can lead to self sabotage (Oh, you’re hot and interesting AND you make me laugh??! Hold please, while I drink myself stupid thereby guaranteeing I successfully screw up this whole scenario) or deliberate distraction (get super interested in someone with whom you have a stark incompatibility, so as to ensure zero chance of it ever working out). Ugh. Fear-based decisions are SO 2012.
By All Means, Do:
Speak your truth. – Let me tell you what happens when you don’t speak your truth: You don’t get what you want. You end up living a life according to the expectations of others. You focus on what you think others think would make you happy. And you leave out what and whom you’re passionate about. Ya, I’m over that.
Let go of that which no longer serves you. – Tell that bad friend, unsupportive colleague, abusive boyfriend, pushy parent, incompetent yahoo in your life to kick rocks. You’re busy trying to do YOU, a-thanks, and they’re just bringing you down. In the most genius words ever uttered and brought to you by the glorious Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
Lean on your intuition to dissect just about anything that’s nagging at you. – The job opportunity, the first date red flags, the should-I-stay-or-should-I-go tennis volley that’s happening in your head. Whatever your conflict, you possess a built-in bullshit-ometer that will tell you what the eff is up. Every time. Without fail. Use it, exercise it, treat it right, play footsie with it. She’ll love you right back with the right answer.
Embrace you more. – All your perfect imperfections, all those times you messed up and said the wrong thing, for every thing someone told you that you weren’t or didn’t have or wouldn’t accomplish. Just love YOU a little bit more each day. (Here’s a hint: Whomever tricked you into thinking you didn’t deserve it or weren’t enough probably did so because they themselves didn’t feel worthy. In your mind, forgive them, thank them for their part in shaping you to be the kick-ass person you are today and send them the love they never had but always needed.)
Heal. – Breathe. Give yourself space, time, comfort and peace of mind to just be. Experience the feelings, live them, and release them. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen.
Bring it on, 2013.