That’s What He Said: Can The Girl Make The First Move?


We are BACK with a brand new “That’s What He Said” series. You’ve been waiting a while for this one, apologies. Slash I promise it was worth the wait. Slash slash you’re welcome. Today’s topic-y goodness comes from a certain issue that’s been plaguing my girlfriends recently. It’s a confusion courtesy of dating in the modern age, where boys will be boys and girls will be excelling beyond them in the classroom and boardroom. We’re aggressive in a meeting, to land a raise, to generally get and do all the amazing things we’re accomplishing, but when it comes to getting that guy, what’s a girl to do?

Do we ask them out? Is that ok? Does that ever work in our favor or does it drive them away? Does it set up a precedent that you will always be the aggressor in the relationship? Nobody wants that.

Or should we hang back and play to our divinely feminine strengths? Let the man do the man stuff, like man-up and make a move? And then see the next two decades of our life come and go, waiting for said move?

“The Rules” say no, it’s not up to us females to take matters into our own hands. Life may dictate otherwise. And, so it seems, guys may actually be into a little more flexibility on the issue too.

This is me getting to the bothersome bottom of this particular problema.

I’ve got some smart, attractive (no, really attractive) interviewees below, a cute collection of nice, good, sweet and savvy sirs, and again, all from the single set. ("How DOES she find them?")

Here’s what they had to say. (Again, names are not real, but the answers sure are.)

Eric, 29, Miami: I think if it’s a one-time thing and if both parties are confidant in themselves, then it’s totally fine. The woman making the first move would definitely catch me off guard, because it’s not socially common. It would create a unique experience and catch my attention and make her stand out.

Casper, 28, Washington, DC: If a girl is worried about the first move or making most of the moves, there is probably something larger wrong with the power dynamics of the relationship. Aggressiveness and forwardness with underlying confidence is very attractive. Aggressiveness with underlying insecurity is not.

(Editor’s note: Boom.)

And, last but never, ever in the least (no, seriously you guys, this interviewee made me want to make any and all moves), in response to the question, “Is it ever ok for the girl to make the first move?”

Hudson, 31, Los Angeles: Hell yes and it’s about time! The fact that this is still a debate drives me crazy. And here is the best part, it doesn't need to be anything wild. The first move can be as simple as asking a question—anything to show you're interested. Here's the truth: because it's so cliché for a guy to have to make the first move it puts a lot of pressure on us (who actually care) to not just make a good impression but also to orchestrate it in an as natural or non-cheesy-pickup-line way possible. This most often requires some kind of random moment to present itself which statistically occurs as often as you've been successfully approached by someone (almost never). What women need to realize is they have the upper hand/element of surprise in these situations, just give us an opening, a smile, carefully crafted question, or maybe even a drink. And NO ONE should make all the moves! If only one party is doing all the work chemistry is certainly lacking, there clearly isn't anything other than physical attraction, period!

(I think Hudson needs his own blog, agreed?)

Sometimes these men just need a little nudge. No need to go overboard, obvi, but a little encouragement never hurt anyone. So, the next time you spot that sexy someone from across the water cooler, you know what to do. No, not that. Just smile at the dude to give him that opening, and if he still doesn’t get the hint but he's giving you the come-hither vibe, you might just have to suck it up and go say hi. Eh, could be worse, no?