That’s What He Said: Here’s What Guys REALLY Think About First-Date Sex


Morning, lovelies! I’m instituting a much-needed male-centered series, called “That’s What He Said.” The point is, I may be good at what I do, but nothing beats going straight to the source. I’ve had my fair share of dating experiences and close guy friends who do dirty, dirrrrrty things with women, so I know what’s up. HOWEVER. We could all use more insight, amirite? So, I’m bringing the source to you.

I’m getting deep inside the recesses of those male brains that drive us crazy and yet we can’t live without. I’ll be asking variously aged REAL men from around the country what they think about a wide range of dating topics. You know, the hard-hitting, penetrating questions. No, really, I actually asked them this stuff and this is what they said (only minor editing happened, because, well, some of this stuff is just too good not to include). But names have been changed to protect the guilty, obvi.

And we’re kicking it off with the $1-million question: What do you REALLY think of a girl if she sleeps with you on the first date? I mean, really.

Ready, go!

Chris, 27, Miami says: It doesn’t matter until it becomes something long term. If it ever turns into anything serious, you’re always going to remember in the back of your mind that she gave it up on the first try with you. Then, there’s always the possibility that she would do it again with someone else she just met, even while she’s still with you. Like if you’re traveling separately or are away from each other, you won’t be able to trust her and you will always have your doubts. But if a girl demonstrated self-control, then the guy can trust that she won’t be dropping trou’ every time she meets a new dude.

James, 29, a traveling professional athlete: I don’t think that I would take a girl as seriously if she does sleep with me. Say that I’m looking at her as a potential serious relationship or wife candidate, if she’s that promiscuous to start with, then I wonder, how many others has she done this with? The self-control is not there. I’m not a proponent of Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule, but somewhere in between works. I don’t think there’s a finite number of dates that you have to go on, but if you’re considering a girl to be a serious girlfriend or wife, you should be exclusive before sleeping with her.

Additional bonus thoughts because he was a fun interview!: Nobody under 30 believes what Steve Harvey says about 90 days. You’re in the friend zone after 60 days. You’re thinking this girl isn’t feeling me, maybe she doesn’t think I look good. There has to be some sort of sexual chemistry in order for you to think that she’s into you. [90 days would be] really hard—the ultimate temptation without payoff. If I liked her enough, I would go along with it, but there would have to be some sexual things being played out for me to continue to think that’s she’s interested.

Thom, 28, Connecticut: If I sleep with her the first time I meet her, I wouldn't consider her a girlfriend candidate. If we met at a bar, I got her number, we texted, went on a date and we sleep together, then that's much more respectable and I wouldn't rule her out for a girlfriend. 

(Editor’s note: Ladies, I think that’s an important distinction. That does NOT mean you need to get it in immediately after the first date, I’m just saying, there’s a window to take note of.)

(And the wildcard) Charles, 28, San Diego: 24-year-old me would have considered it likely, but not expected, for me to sleep with a girl on the first date. Therefore, I would have liked her more if we slept together because it most likely meant we had strong chemistry. Current me doesn't really notice whether I sleep with a girl after the first date or not. It does not change the way I feel about a girl at all. I've learned that all girls feel differently about sleeping with a guy on the first date and there isn't a correlation with how strong a potential girlfriend she is.

Welp, there ya have it. These truth nuggets are genius, no? I cannot WAIT to hear what you have to say about ‘em. Comment below!

PS – Thom’s taken. The rest are fair game. So you gals just gimme the word... WINK.