How To Spot The Difference Between A Red Flag Versus Your Overthinking
I also hear this a lot from females dutifully fulfilling their dating due diligence: “Is this something I should be worried about? Is this red-flag worthy? Or am I just over-thinking this?" More often than not, you’re over-thinking it. But it depends on where you are in the relationship development.
Like I’ve mentioned before, red flags appear almost instantaneously. Two weeks out tops and you should have all you need to know before deciding whether to give him more of your precious Pin-Up time.
A red flag by any other name is just your crazy coming out. It’s your neuroses on overdrive, because some fear/insecurity/old pain is being triggered by your date’s (not-so) dubious behavior.
If your mind games have you saying, “I feel like I’m taking CRAZY PILLS!” then you are probably letting your fear get in the way of your trained, intuitive, original scan of this magical mister (or your doc upped your Rx without letting you know).
If your newfound feeling is contrary to everything you’ve discerned to be true over the past few weeks and/or months that you’ve been getting to know your special someone, don’t ignore that contradiction.
Just like I’ve told you not to block out your original gut feelings---here (remember all those really super-fun times when I failed to heed my own head's up?) and here (when you decided not to pay attention to your intuition and it caused a world of "surprise" hurt)---you need to remember those first-impression feelings for when things get confusing.
Because they will.
You’ll be chugging along, all Little Engine That Could Love style, enjoying your relationship, totally digging this new dude, and super proud of yourself for working through your long-standing mommy issues and BAM. Emotionally T-boned in a major way.
He does one teensy, weensy, wee little thing that sets you off. Or you somehow stumble upon some seemingly suspect information. Something that’s so insignificant that your friends will try to tell you that it’s really not a big deal. But you’re having none of that, because IT’S THE BIGGEST EFFING DEAL EVER.
And the tailspin begins and all of a sudden you and your ego are LIKETHIS in a mental whirlpool of emotional turmoil.
Your ego will get the best of you. And it will do what it does best: Talk you out of a good thing using its numero uno weapon of choice: Fear. With a capital Eff-you.
Fear that he’s not who you thought he was. Fear of getting hurt (again). Fear that he’ll leave you. Fear that he’ll be just like the rest. That he won’t accept you. Fear of losing control. Fear of rejection. Fear of love.
When these old fears resurface (some folks call this “resistance”), it’s time to face the maniacal music. These are unresolved issues that need to be addressed, forgiven and healed before you can move on with your Number One. (Yay, growth…woot.).
You know how you get past these pesky problems? You go back to your roots. Namely, your inner guide goddess—you gotta start trusting that one, she knows what’s UP. What did she let you know about this boy in the beginning? It was good stuff, wasn’t it? So stick with it and this ship will right itself. Put the U in TRUST. (Whoa, cheesy. Sorry.)
Now, if what you’re picking up is an extension of HIS crazy, then we have cause for concern. But this won’t be news (hence, why I said extension). This is still just that same ole red flag you’ve been ignoring from the beginning, all “HEY! LOOK AT ME! OVER HERE!”
Where it could be completely and utterly shocking (i.e. RED FLAG ALERT) is if you’ve established a connection but haven’t met him yet (online dating, perhaps?) and if you’re hearing about his wild ways through the grapevine. Because if you haven’t face-timed (the original way), there’s a strong chance your intuitive inner-workings haven’t given him a proper once-over.
Count your blessings and get to steppin’. If it’s early on in the relationship and you’re already having these doubts? No sir, he’s not worth further investigation.