The FWB Conundrum: To Bang or Not to Bang?


Not that I divulge much on this thing (most of these are inspired by my nearest and dearest—thanks, boos), but I may have snuck up on something worth sharing today.

You see, there was a moment. You know that moment. That moment with a guy you weren’t really looking at in that way when something changes and then allofasudden you just KNOW that a hookup is now mysteriously on the table? Yeah. Well. That just happened.

It’s about crossing the line. Flirting with breaking out of the friend-zone and Red-Rovering your way into a full-blown FWB scenario.

Friends With Benefits. Let’s discuss.

Here’s the thing: Much like the rare large cockchafer (Google that, I dare you), an FWB flourishes in a very specific environment. (Hot, sticky, and moist, if you will. Ha.)

The situations in which a Friends With Benefits would work—where it may even be ideal, really—include:

  1. You’ve been friends for a WHILE. I’m talking three boyfriends/girlfriends, multiple degrees, and a cross-country move while. So long that if trying it out is an #EPICFAIL, you won’t really lose any face. You’ll just happily plop back into the friend-zone with aplomb and no one will even blink.

  2. You’re both so emotionally damaged but are craving that certain closeness (or a jolly good romp in the hay) that you can’t really entertain anything more than an FWB situation. A la Justin and Mila.

But what happens when you’re in neither of these predicaments? You haven’t known dude for that long. Nor are you emotionally damaged to the point that you have an armor of steel erected around your heart. What’s a randy gal to do?

Entering into an FWB situation could possibly be the best thing that’s ever happened to your dating life, but the real problem begins when expectations start to shift and no one is communicating about them. Someone likes the other more, he gets jealous when she spends time with another dude, etc. That’s when you abort mission. Because that’s pretty much a guaranteed nightmare of a situation. Someone’s going to get hurt, one hundred percent.

Be delicate about your personal, ahem, position, so to speak. If you think you can survive the FWB that goes awry, by all means, get it cracking. Otherwise, maybe you should just channel all that pent up sexual tension into something creative. Like knitting.