To the Out and Proud Manwhores of America: Love You, Mean It
Dear Manwhores of America, We love it when you take ownership of being the mighty manwhore that you are.
Srsly. It saves us So. Much. Time.
Look, we’re not judging, and we’re 100% not being facetious. I mean, who DOESN’T want a little lovin' from time to time, amirite?
You got a clean whistle? Fab. Don’t have a fafillion baby mommas trashing you on Lulu.com? Fantastic. Then we’re good.
[Editor’s note: I’m, personally, actually really intrigued by you. Let me in on your secrets, your science of seduction...]
We just really appreciate your honesty. Because—real talk for a minute—we’ve already determined whether or not we’d consider sleeping with you. Being frank with us about your tendency toward woman wandering allows us to make the best, most-informed decision in our short-lived courtship. And we LURVE making solid decisions.
Don’t worry, telling us what’s up doesn’t necessarily mean we’re not going to get down. It just means we’re going to feel INFINITELY better about it if we decide to. Because we KNEW what we were signing up for and getting ourselves into. And we ain’t mad ‘atcha. Trust us, that’s a win-win for everybody.
A handcuffed, chocolate-licking, public-place, hair-pulling, role-playing, sexy-sweaty (or whatever you’re into) kinda #win.
So, like I said: Thanks for owning up to the ho-ing down. Thanks for taking one for the (tag?) team.
Love you, love your show.
Yours truly in non-game-playing solidarity,