What's Meaningful in Your Relationship and What Isn't
I think we (women) get confused sometimes. In an effort to wade through wants and needs and desires, and egos and heartstrings and perspectives, and then the true reality (because I can ASSURE you those are all not the same things) of the situation, we get real tripped up. In the minutiae, in the meaninglessness, in the social media of it all. Sure, our dating landscape has shifted. There is considerably more bullsh*t to deal with out there—from male identity crises to virtual falsehoods that feel oh-so-real. But, certain things remain in tact. Certain relationship behaviors still carry meaning. So much so that even the simplest of men can acknowledge their weight. These are universal troofs, if you will.
Ok, enough of my soliloquy, let's get to it.
Stuff you should be paying attention to—i.e., is meaningful:
- An invitation to a wedding.
- An invitation to a wedding months in advance.
- An invitation to a wedding months in advance in which he is standing up. (HUGE.)
- Making his profile a pic of the two of you.
- Him making the effort to fly to visit you. (For all you long-distance daters out there.)
Not anything you should be wasting your time on—i.e., is dumb nothingness that means nothing even though you think it means something:
- Texting. Yup. That’s it. Just texting. No follow up, no calls, no plans to hang out. Just. Texting.
- The "I'm Sorry" gifts. Some choice examples: The "I'm sorry my ex-girlfriend doesn't respect my new relationship with you because I don't set any boundaries with her" spa package. The "I'm sorry I lied about my age (and potentially everything else in our relationship)" fancy dinner date. The "I'm sorry I was a selfish, immature/insecure/jealous/inconsiderate/[insert your own personal nightmare] prick" Prada.
- A Spotify like (or share or whatever the hell function one does on that social network).
- His post-ultimatum move (that is, anything he does as a result of you serving him with the “If you don’t, I’ll…” threat).
- Anything said during sex. In fact, anything said leading up to sex if insertion is imminent. Let me give you a fah instance: If a guy wants to get it in and you have refused and he starts rubbing your back, it’s not because he’s clocking in hours towards his massage therapy degree.
At the very least you should be taking these last five with a mountainous grain of salt. Falling for the meaningless gestures can have a lot to do with your feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. If you've never experienced true, genuine I-want-to-do-this-for-you-because-I-would-do-anything-to-make-you-happy-ness, then settling for the fake stand-in makes sense. Which is a large topic in itself. What say we tackle that one next time?