What’s Your Dating Defense Mechanism?


Yup, we all have one. That boyfriend-buffering behavior we enlist when we know there’s the possibility of our hearts getting trampled. Ok, ok, I shouldn’t be so dramatic. It could just be that you throw up your walls, your excuses, your distance-enforcers when you find yourself liking someone just a wee bit too much and you’re not sure if the feeling is mutual.

So what’s yours?

Drinking too much when nervous or uncomfortable around a potential partner, sleeping with a guy on the first date, dating and/or making out with his friend? Pick a ridiculously unfounded fight? Or maybe you go for the classic clinger move a la Kate Hudson in How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days? That one always seems to work well.

Me? I like to call bullshit on a guy so hard he can’t recover. (It works out for me at first, in a survival-of-the-fittest kind of way. But, when facing an equal and attractive opponent that threatens my false sense of solo security, I tend to think I’m too legit to quit and just don’t know when to… until it’s too late.)

Well, you don’t need me to tell you, but, we’re only doing ourselves a disservice. Sure (and as I’ve discussed before), finally finding that special someone that makes you tick can be unnerving. BUT—it can also be extremely rewarding for a myriad of reasons. Even if he doesn’t end up being THE ONE, there’s something valuable to be learned from each relationship. Each person that enters your life serves a purpose, whether it’s to teach you a lesson about love, to help you recognize and break emotionally detrimental patterns, or to help you weed out what you don’t want in a guy.

Boxing out significant other–worthy material only prolongs the inevitable.

You will learn those lessons at some point, you will be forced to break down bad behavioral patterns in order to live a more authentically you life (and hence attract a more authentic man that fits your authentic self), and you will find out what doesn’t work for you.

If you keep avoiding these teachable moments, trying to learn them later on could be more painful and take much longer.

So, do yourself a favor and identify your go-to heart guard of choice. The sooner you acknowledge your pattern, the sooner you will be able to understand why exactly you erect those walls in the first place (which is the beginning of breaking them down and accessing a happier you and, thus, more satisfying relationships). Terrifying at first, I know. But embrace the discomfort. It generally means you’re about to learn something valuable. Not to mention, with all those walls up, you could be seriously missing out on some good, good loving!

What’s your dating defense mechanism? Leave a comment and let’s discuss!