Why Falling In Love Online Doesn't Count

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You cannot fall in love (strictly) online. Period. End of story. Full stop. True Love doesn’t happen like that.

I’m sure there’s a study out there somewhere (and if I wasn’t feeling like death as I write this—flus are fun!—I’d take the time to Google it for you gals) that says that in order for a true connection to take hold, humans need to be physically close to one another in order develop a love bond. It's a physical consummation of the virtual vibe you’ve got going, if you will. Not in a medieval marriage-sex kinda way, but a psychical chemistry match to substantiate and confirm any emotional/mental connection you’ve developed while typing and texting.

Sure, you’ll sit there and tell me, “The thumbs don’t lie! I’ve never felt a connection so strong!” Yeah. Well. You’ve never felt a connection like this at all, because you haven’t truly experiencedanything. You’ve just thought it. Imagined what it would feel like. Typed it and expressed it verbally. Slept on it. Then got up and reimagined it all over again via Twitter, Facebook, and Gchat.

But if you haven’t actually met your mentally stimulating man, you literally have no clue how a real relationship could develop. No. Clue.

You don’t know how your hand will fit in his. You have no idea how his lips will land on yours. Will conversation flow? Or will it falter? Is he as physically affectionate as he is verbally affectionate? And is that what you want? You won’t know his idiosyncrasies and whether they will drive you batty or get you hot ‘n’ bothered.

And you CERTAINLY are in the dark about how you two fair between the sheets.

If you don’t believe me, spend 30 minutes of your life watching an episode of MTV’s Catfish.

And if that didn’t do it for you, here’s me getting real for a minute: This relationship? It’s synthetic. You created these feelings out of 0's and 1's. You created an emotional attachment to an idea—not a real person—and you filled in feelings where your mind-body-spirit chemistry would normally pick up and help out. Said emotions will seem perfect and super-real as FACK (hint: since you created them based on a fantasy, they are ideal), but don’t drink the Kool-Aid, sister. They are most certainly not the real-life real deal. So, step away from the keyboard. Put down the SnapChat and Kik and schedule a coffee date for crap’s sake. Because, really, why are you hiding behind the screen? What do you fear most about meeting your information-highway hottie? Guess it’s time to power down and find out.