Why That Emotional (Over)Reaction Might Actually Be Good For You


So, you blew up at your boyfriend (again). Or you told off that obnoxious date about his irritating habits and what a thoughtless, inconsiderate, jerk-off he was. Or you freaked out about plans that changed at the last minute but you played it cool to your date’s face only to dramatically throw yourself onto your couch and sob into your piles of decorative pillows. Maybe, just maybe, you received the wrong text from your special someone that was CLEARLY meant for another woman and that just sent you into a downward spiral of raised voices, hand flailing and emotions. It doesn't even have to get overly theatrical, you could just simply become upset. Sound familiar? Pssshfft, didn't think so. Because you, lady, have got it TOGETHER. You emotionally overreact? Poppycock. Emotions wouldn't even know where to find you if they tried. Your heart is off the grid, sister.

Except maybe that one time. That teensy, weensy moment where you cracked and showed some vulnerability. Yeahhhh, there might have that...


Look, I'm all in favor of you having your supposed ish together (duh, it's at the core of this community), but those few-and-far-between freak-out breakouts can be beneficial to your personal--and therefore dating--growth.

How so, you ask?

The reason you're emotionally reacting—or overreacting depending on your stage presence—is because something is being triggered. A deep-standing fear, a long-held limiting belief, an old emotional wound. Whatever your boyfriend, date or online chat buddy said, did or didn't do is reminding you of your worst romantic, relationship nightmare (EVEN THOUGH there is absolutely no truth to it right now).

For the purpose of this piece, whether your fear is realized or not is irrelevant. What's important is that you identify WHY you feel the way you feel. What fear or pain is this behavior recalling?

Does the missent message to the wrong madam mean he's a man-whore and you were cheated on by a man-whore in the past and now you’re afraid all men are man-whores?

Did his last-minute cancelation mean he's not trustworthy and it’s drudging up all your daddy issues and if you can't trust him to keep his plans, well then, shoot, you can't trust him with anything else?

Did your date not holding the door for you make you feel that he didn't find you worthy enough and that's reflecting your own lack of self-worth and you're pissed about how that makes you feel?

See? There's a lot there. The beauty of these messy, tear-stained emotional blowups is that they are leading you right smack into what you need to work on and heal the most. It's bringing it to the surface so that you CAN acknowledge it (the first step in healing anything).

Plus, hi, you're human for crap's sake. You are allowed to feel things. It's kinda part of the deal.

Clearly, letting your life be overrun by emotional overreaction isn’t ideal, so let’s work on minimizing those for your own sake. When you expend that much energy without focusing it in a positive way, it can sometimes just snowball the negative feelings.

Let it rise, acknowledge it, and release it. Boom, done. We all need a good cry from time to time, especially if a little post-sob self-improvement is at the end of that soggy rainbow.