Are You Afraid To Be Happy In Your Relationship?

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Dollface, do you KNOW what you’ve done? You’ve found yourself in the beginnings of a beautiful, budding relationship (or dating situation, at the very least). One where everything clicks, he finishes your sentences, conversations last all night and you’re just inseparable. You wanna stop talking about him, but you just can’t because itsjustsofreakingamazing.

You (you vixen, you) have saddled the unicorn.

So why in the WORLD are you freaking out?

Yeah, I know. Because it’s terrifying. We’re conditioned for things to go wrong because, well, most often they do. And when it goes right, it’s like, “Eff, NOW what am I going to do?” Because, what if, (shudder, shudder), this actually. goes. somewhere…?

Please, please, please don’t get red-flag-happy and start looking for what’s wrong with him. You do that and you start getting paranoid, making yourself crazy and eventually “finding” what you’re looking for (even if it’s not really there). It’s a self-sabotaging, self-fulfilling prophecy.

Spoiler alert: Your relationship will not be perfect. This honeymoon phase will settle into something more evolved and hopefully comfortable. Things will go wrong, but it’s probably not going to be red-flag material. And you will know when it happens. And when it does, you will know how to handle it. And you will be fine. Swears.

This is because our built-in bullsh*t-ometer would have let you know by now if there was something seriously wrong (like say, he has kids—from three different women; he refers to women in less-than-favorable terms; or he’s nowhere near ready for a real relationship).

When you meet someone, your intuition works overtime to tell you what’s up. If you’re listening, she won’t let you even get to the second date with a dud that’s not worth your time. So relax. You’ve made it this far and it’s awesome, albeit scary at the same time.

But check this out… You’ve already experienced any of the bad outcomes that could possibly come out of this. Dumped? Done. Cheated on? That was SO 2006. Lied to? Hello, that sums up about 80% of your first dates. Broken-hearted, ice-cream-scooping, Bridget-Jones’s-Diary-watching state of post-relationship blues? Girl, that is a rite of passage at this point. Pain is pain. It’s not easy, and going through it once doesn’t mean you’ll nail it the next time. But you’ve gotten through it before. And you’re wiser, stronger, smarter, clearer now than you were when you experienced it before. So guess what? You got this. Remove that fear, and it opens up the possibility for greatness. For passion. For joy. For love. Now that may be something you’ve never experienced quite like this before. It’d be a shame to pass it up for that old familiar funky feeling of self-sabotage.

So, sure, liking someone is scary. Not seeing any red flags flying high after the first few weeks of meeting someone is unnerving. But it’s a good thing. It’s what we hope for. It’s why we subject ourselves to slumming through unfathomable online profiles, bad text game and unthinkable first dates. Don’t waste it.

RelationshipsJuliaComment