I've Waited My Whole Life To Be 32

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When I was a kid, I always wanted to be older than I was.

And because I was my adult size before even hitting the fifth grade, everyone already thought I was.

If I was older, I could say anything I wanted, do anything I wanted, go anywhere I wanted, and wear anything I wanted.

If I wanted to pair my Barney-purple floral leggings with my red paisley sweatshirt, so be it. Who was gonna stop me?

The funny thing is, the older I got and the more self-aware I became, the less I said anything I wanted, and the less I did anything I really wanted.

Life, ya know? Expectations. Shoulds. Blind motivations.

But that's shifting.

Today, I've traded in my leggings for Jimmy Choos and my sweatshirt for Bammies (I line I'm co-designing), and I (FINALLY) get to wear pretty much whatever I want. I'm self-aware but it's no longer a door stopper.

Your 30s are an interesting place. No one really talked about this decade when I was growing up. (Our generation has put it on the map, if you ask me, since we like to blog about everything and are now entering into this next phase of life and need to write and read all the articles about what are we supposed to do and feeeel, present company included.).

To me, your 30s are when you really, finally, truly get to know yourself. You stop giving a f*ck. You refuse to live in a way that no longer supports who you truly want to be. You shave your social groups down to those that really support. If there's a disconnect between who you are and who you WANT to be, you start to close that gap--and fast.

In the years between 29 and 32, I've busted through so many blocks, I feel like the goddamn Kool-Aid man.

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That kind of block-busting means that today, on this day I turn 32, I get to enjoy a love I wasn't sure existed with a man that is out of this world;

I get to enjoy soul-family friends;

I get to enjoy family relationships that are meaningful;

And a new iteration of my career--one that's so much more aligned with who I am and what I want for myself and everyone I affect.

I read some really cool female actress once who said you never really feel as if you arrive in life. And I get that.

But today, I have arrived somewhere. I've arrived at the foundation of me, at what some would call home.

And from here, all else--everything else I've ever wanted--follows. So that's pretty neat.

There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self. - Ernest Hemingway