How To Redirect a Relationship To Get What You Want

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While most of us jump for joy when a relationship progresses forward (you mean he CALLED instead of TEXTED today?! Oh em geeee, that’s a HUGE step), certain forward motion isn’t always received positively. Like:

• When he’s dropping casual L-bombs and you’re allwhoa gif nah jonah hill

• You were friends, the chemistry kept mounting, so you two crazy kids gave it a shot. And #FAIL happened in a major way, so now you just want to crawl back into the friendzone.

• You had one too many flutes of champagne and made some bad decisions, which resulted in you losing at the age-old game of Just The Tip. (Wait a minute, does anyone really “lose” at that game, though? Let’s think about that…)

You see, some of us like to live in the moment. Some of us just need a weekend lover. And sometimes, a late night text is just a late night text.

But if you’ve stumbled into this, your relationship calls for some serious recalibration. Mainly, you just need to reel this ship in and FAST. Before things get Titanic on yo’ ass.

Of course, easier said than done. A few things can be at play, but it all pretty much ends up at the same conclusion: ya’ll are just not on the same page.

Somebody likes the other more. Someone was just having fun while the other was planning a wedding. Or things just simply went too fast for one side (“Commitment, party of 1? Your table is ready.”).

Whatever the reason, you’ve got a couple options when diffusing the sitch:

1) Give it to ‘em straight – For those select few fellas who are open, direct and honest with you in their communication, and who don’t run or get defensive when you try to tell them like it is. (PS - Where the hell did you find him?!)

While I’d like to pull a classic guy move and just avoid this whole convo, I wouldn’t be a respectable advice-giver if I didn’t advocate dosing out a little truth serum. Really, this applies if, say, your fella has fallen head-over-heels and you’re still cruising prospects on Instagram. Explain to him that, while you like him, you’d really like to spend more time getting to know him better. Or, that although you guys really click, you want to make sure the timing is right and hope he can respect your process. (Sounds like BS – totes isn’t if it’s true.)

This is also the go-to for mending the complicated friendship scenario. You both gotta be committed (there’s that silly word again) to forgetting and forgiving so you can get back to friending.

Just deliver it delicately, my dear.

2) Sweetly does it – Best used on a man who can still only manage to text you.

Shift the focus behaviorally. Make sure the messages you’re sending are in line with what you want out of the relationship (do you know what you want out of the relationship?). Start acting in such a way that demands the treatment you want. Do not be afraid to stick to your authenticity guns.

It’s almost impossible to change the direction of progression without the other noticing. The trick is making him feel comfortable while doing so.

Otherwise, you’ll awaken from your Saturday evening disco nap to a drunken, bumbling heap of a man sobbing at your doorstep droning on about how he can’t live without you. And sweetheart, nobody wants that.

 

 

RelationshipsJuliaComment