The Ex-Girlfriend To Watch Out For

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What’s everybody’s hang-up about exes? They’re not all that bad, are they? Well, I can’t be too particularly hard on them—I’m friends with most of mine. No, exes aren’t the worst. The problem is, there are a select few out there that jack it up for the rest of the cool chicks.

So if your man’s got a past that keeps sneaking into your present, here’s what you need to look out for (and what you really need to not be insecure / worry about).

Two types of ex-girlfriends your dude could be dealing with:

1)    The "Passionate" One – When they broke up, she went all Ali Larter in Obsessed on his ass. Here’s the best part about this ex, though. Everybody knows her deal. You know it, your man knows it, and no one wants anything to do with it. Fin.

2)    The “I Just Want to Be Friends” Girl – Now, if this girl doesn’t raise your red flag, allow me to hoist it up for you. This is the girl that doesn’t respect you or your relationship with her ex. She texts at all hours, and wouldn’t know the meaning of appropriate if you smacked her upside the head with it. Boundaries? What boundaries? She’s still blowing up his Facebook feed, liking every post, pic and poke your man makes. Main takeaway here: She still wants your guy’s attention, for whatever reason, and she sees you as a silly little hurdle.

Obviously, the latter is an issue worth discussing with your significant other, because, believe it or not, your honey probably doesn’t see what she’s up to, bless his heart. I mean, who doesn’t love a little extra attention and doesn’t love to be liked? Sure, I get it, and I’m not mad at your man for basking in it. But YOUR attention should take precedence.

Here’s the fun part, where you have to communicate your feelings. Eek, I know. But simply state that this woman’s behavior makes you uncomfortable, and that she doesn’t know how to appropriately set boundaries. He will protest, telling you that she’s harmless. That’s all well and good, you’ll say, but I still feel the same way. You don’t need to tell him what to do about it. In fact, don’t. If your man is worth his weight in love, he’ll know better and tell this chica to knock it off.

If not, well then, dear, you might have some relationship reevaluating to do. I’d be concerned why her attention is just so essential to his daily life… She’ll keep it up because she knows she can. Next thing you know, you’re walking into his place to surprise him early on a brisk Sunday morning, and lo and behold the surprise will be yours: Him, lying half awake with said ex’s naked thigh draped over his. Ta-da!

(PS – Don’t confuse the manipulative madam described above with an ACTUAL friendly ex. As in, we’re cool and all but, good GAWD, I wouldn’t touch him with a 10-foot pole. You’ll just fret yourself into frenzy over nothing. And drive your fella mad, not to mention.)

General thoughts: Be friends with your ex if you truly have developed a friendship foundation with that person. But if you’re still into the man, please, do us ALL (yourself, most importantly) a favor and step away. You’ll be better for it, and it will allow yourself the room to heal and move on, making way for your next love interest (and trust, there is always a next) that is much, much better for you anyway.

 

 

RelationshipsJuliaComment